Kintoflid is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, clever yak.

Kintoflid created viruses eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kintoflid, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kintoflid, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Kintoflid's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Kintoflid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near mites while wearing mauve shoes and balancing eight silver spheres on your hands.

2. Learn seven new languages a year.

3. Retreat if four moths approach from the west.

4. Never feed limes to otters while wearing purple skirts.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.