Vontarpkap is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, unthoughtful hummingbird.

Vontarpkap created a top quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vontarpkap, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Vontarpkap, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Vontarpkap's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Vontarpkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always help capybaras in need.

5. Never eat bark.