Fignartfet is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, unthoughtful ant.

Fignartfet created Africa nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fignartfet, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fignartfet, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Fignartfet's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Fignartfet's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near tortoises.

2. Feed all hungry manatees.

3. Do not speak about tomatoes.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never eat bark.