Vadcapwatfagpak is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, ill-tempered jackal.

Vadcapwatfagpak created snails five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vadcapwatfagpak, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vadcapwatfagpak, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Vadcapwatfagpak's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Vadcapwatfagpak's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve hamsters for they are unholy.

2. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

3. Do not kill eagles.

4. Never talk about optics.

5. Never paint your chest magenta.