Begzograpgum is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, flying squid.

Begzograpgum created a charm quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Begzograpgum, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Begzograpgum, he will turn you into a snail.

Begzograpgum's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Begzograpgum's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Begzograpgum.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never hurt ducks.

4. Never think about comets.

5. Never talk about fire.