Canbadtan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, merciful jaguar.

Canbadtan created an up quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Canbadtan, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Canbadtan, he will torture you forever.

Canbadtan's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Canbadtan's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Worship no other gods but Canbadtan.

3. Never hurt turtles.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never eat bark.