Volbatyoss is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, conceited shark.

Volbatyoss created everything that exists nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Volbatyoss, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Volbatyoss, it will refuse to believe in you.

Volbatyoss' most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Volbatyoss' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. You must love Volbatyoss.

4. Always obey Volbatyoss' priests.

5. Do not chop down trees.