Kartargutbepgubhadmad is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, self-confident octopus.

Kartargutbepgubhadmad created a top quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kartargutbepgubhadmad, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kartargutbepgubhadmad, she will destroy your home solar system.

Kartargutbepgubhadmad's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Kartargutbepgubhadmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat grapes.

2. Always wear green.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Run away from brown frogs, for they are unholy.

5. Kartargutbepgubhadmad must be the most important thing in your life.