Koptungem is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, almighty otter.

Koptungem created carbon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Koptungem, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Koptungem, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Koptungem's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Koptungem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill manatees.

2. Always help aardvarks in need.

3. Koptungem loves seals, so they must be respected.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Never eat green fruit.