Flapvengup is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, staggering hippopotamus.

Flapvengup created a strange quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flapvengup, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Flapvengup, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Flapvengup's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Flapvengup's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Never think ill of sick shrews.

3. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Flapvengup in the centre of the settlement.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not keep seven monkeys in a large pit.