Quillxucwat Bumnulhan is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, two-faced rhinoceros.

Quillxucwat Bumnulhan created life three million years ago.

If you believe in Quillxucwat Bumnulhan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quillxucwat Bumnulhan, she will be mildly annoyed.

Quillxucwat Bumnulhan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Quillxucwat Bumnulhan's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not eat lemons.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.