Hadwotteen is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish swallow.

Hadwotteen created Europe two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hadwotteen, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Hadwotteen, he will turn you into a sheep.

Hadwotteen's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Hadwotteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep nine gulls in a large pit.

2. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

4. Always obey Hadwotteen's priests.

5. Never look at planets.