Kankemxem Bugtitsand is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, resourceful hare.

Kankemxem Bugtitsand created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kankemxem Bugtitsand, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kankemxem Bugtitsand, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Kankemxem Bugtitsand's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Kankemxem Bugtitsand's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not wear orange clothing.

5. Do not bounce in public.