Lagyattlun Femlistlist is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, kind swallow.

Lagyattlun Femlistlist created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagyattlun Femlistlist, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lagyattlun Femlistlist, he will turn you into a mouse.

Lagyattlun Femlistlist's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Lagyattlun Femlistlist's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Never look at nebulae.

3. Never hurt porpoises.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never write about moons.