Ominlinquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, unfair turtle.

Ominlinquaf created a down quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ominlinquaf, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ominlinquaf, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Ominlinquaf's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Ominlinquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Ominlinquaf's priests.

2. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Ominlinquaf in the centre of the settlement.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Retreat if six rats approach from the east.

5. Never feed corn to whales while wearing turquoise hats.