Matbonkfen is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, blissful turtle.

Matbonkfen created a Higgs boson three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Matbonkfen, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Matbonkfen, it will turn you into a plant.

Matbonkfen's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Matbonkfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

2. Matbonkfen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never think about electromagnetism near mice while wearing blue trousers and balancing nine copper spheres on your neck.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

5. Never paint your head pink.