Futxenbetbonknartrill is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, caring lion.

Futxenbetbonknartrill created an up quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Futxenbetbonknartrill, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futxenbetbonknartrill, it will turn you into a goat.

Futxenbetbonknartrill's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Futxenbetbonknartrill's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never eat onions.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never wear corsets.