Lagtonkdib is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, caring gerbil.

Lagtonkdib created humankind two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagtonkdib, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagtonkdib, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lagtonkdib's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Lagtonkdib's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention nematodes.

2. Never wear scarves.

3. Birds are not to be trusted.

4. Do not speak about bananas.

5. Hide if six manatees approach from the west.