Bidkenbad is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, two-faced manatee.

Bidkenbad created the world three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bidkenbad, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bidkenbad, he will turn you into a rock.

Bidkenbad's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Bidkenbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. You must pray to Bidkenbad three times a day.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Retreat if nine dogs approach from the north.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.