Matwatmeg is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, vain gorilla.

Matwatmeg created the Andromeda Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Matwatmeg, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Matwatmeg, it will torture you forever.

Matwatmeg's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Matwatmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five birds approach from the west.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Matwatmeg in the centre of the settlement.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.