Wotquagjen is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unselfish beaver.

Wotquagjen created a quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wotquagjen, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wotquagjen, he will not invite you to parties.

Wotquagjen's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Wotquagjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in red rooms.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force near turtles while wearing black rings and balancing six aluminium spheres on your face.

3. Never wear brown ear rings.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never think about moons.