Habstafkap is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, smart bat.

Habstafkap created viruses five billion years ago.

If you believe in Habstafkap, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Habstafkap, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Habstafkap's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Habstafkap's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear blue.

2. Never eat onions.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not run in public.