Barnbap is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, slow octopus.

Barnbap created viruses two million years ago.

If you believe in Barnbap, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Barnbap, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Barnbap's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Barnbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lentils to doves while wearing white corsets.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not eat nuts.

5. Barnbap must be the most important thing in your life.