Gatjanlin is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, intelligent alligator.

Gatjanlin created the cosmos five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatjanlin, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gatjanlin, he will turn you into a frog.

Gatjanlin's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Gatjanlin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never sprint in holy places.

3. Do not speak about parsnips.

4. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Gatjanlin in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never go into orange rooms.