Quillpogquat is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, unsympathetic clam.

Quillpogquat created the planet Mars four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillpogquat, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quillpogquat, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quillpogquat's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Quillpogquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark matter near tapirs while wearing cyan jumpers and balancing eight silver spheres on your hands.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Always help sharks.

5. Never talk about special relativity near otters while wearing indigo rings and balancing four zinc spheres on your neck.