Ciphabflap is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, moody guinea pig.

Ciphabflap created Asia five million years ago.

If you believe in Ciphabflap, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ciphabflap, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Ciphabflap's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Ciphabflap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not run in public.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always look after injured voles.

4. Never talk about bacteria.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.