Zangeptan is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, egotistical seal.

Zangeptan created dark matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zangeptan, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zangeptan, she will destroy your home planet.

Zangeptan's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Zangeptan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick tapirs.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always treat porpoises with great respect.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.