Bagpiglad is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, omnipotent snake.

Bagpiglad created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Bagpiglad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bagpiglad, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bagpiglad's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Bagpiglad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to tapirs while wearing dresses.

2. Eagles are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not hurt whales.

5. You must love Bagpiglad.