Bantiphad is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, boastful tortoise.

Bantiphad created a quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bantiphad, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bantiphad, it will turn you into a slug.

Bantiphad's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Bantiphad's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear magenta skirts.

2. Worship no other gods but Bantiphad.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never think about solid mechanics near mice while wearing purple tights and balancing nine silicon spheres on your neck.