Gebstikyarpgil Sadgambus is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, self-confident human.

Gebstikyarpgil Sadgambus created light eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gebstikyarpgil Sadgambus, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gebstikyarpgil Sadgambus, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Gebstikyarpgil Sadgambus' most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Gebstikyarpgil Sadgambus' Holy Commandments

1. Gebstikyarpgil Sadgambus loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

2. Do not take Gebstikyarpgil Sadgambus' name in vain.

3. Never think about spacetime near snakes while wearing gray ear rings and balancing nine nickel spheres on your neck.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never look in ponds.