Timfadfet Hamcunzig is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, caring salamander.

Timfadfet Hamcunzig created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Timfadfet Hamcunzig, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Timfadfet Hamcunzig, she will destroy your home planet.

Timfadfet Hamcunzig's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Timfadfet Hamcunzig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not speak about limes.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Never think about photosynthesis.