Ontmanxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, flying manatee.

Ontmanxuck created the Cigar Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontmanxuck, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ontmanxuck, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Ontmanxuck's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Ontmanxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in gray.

2. Tapirs are not to be trusted.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.