Stanhakquim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, stupid ferret.

Stanhakquim created viruses nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stanhakquim, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Stanhakquim, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Stanhakquim's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Stanhakquim's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. You must pray to Stanhakquim seven times a day.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never sit near otters.