Femlatbid is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, boastful lobster.

Femlatbid created a strange quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Femlatbid, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Femlatbid, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Femlatbid's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Femlatbid's Holy Commandments

1. Always help seals.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near otters while wearing turquoise coats and balancing seven nickel spheres on your arms.

3. Never think about stars.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Femlatbid.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.