Ganjapcum is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, loving newt.

Ganjapcum created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ganjapcum, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ganjapcum, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Ganjapcum's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Ganjapcum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in green rooms.

2. Do not sit in public.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Feed all hungry otters.

5. Respect your elders.