Figbegstan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, awe-inspiring turtle.

Figbegstan created a quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Figbegstan, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Figbegstan, he will come to you in dreams.

Figbegstan's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Figbegstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about photosynthesis.

2. Do not hurt tortoises.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics near seals while wearing purple skirts and balancing nine platinum spheres on your hands.

5. Put Figbegstan first in all things.