Jarnhotvigarf is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, duplicitous manatee.

Jarnhotvigarf created water six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnhotvigarf, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jarnhotvigarf, he will turn you into a rock.

Jarnhotvigarf's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Jarnhotvigarf's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed corn to horses while wearing indigo trousers.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not keep nine frogs in a large pit.

4. Never write about dark energy.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.