Quamhaprill is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, merciful pig.

Quamhaprill created the solar system five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quamhaprill, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quamhaprill, it will curse you with boils.

Quamhaprill's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Quamhaprill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair blue.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never talk about special relativity near manatees while wearing indigo dresses and balancing four tin spheres on your chest.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never hurt snakes.