Venladfab Kamquamstrag is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, narcissistic clam.

Venladfab Kamquamstrag created an atom three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Venladfab Kamquamstrag, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Venladfab Kamquamstrag, he will remove you from existence.

Venladfab Kamquamstrag's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Venladfab Kamquamstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine aardvarks approach from the east.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always help sick sheep.

4. Sharks are not to be trusted.

5. Never talk about spacetime.