Jipcumzen is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, stupid hedgehog.

Jipcumzen created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jipcumzen, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jipcumzen, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Jipcumzen's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Jipcumzen's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not take Jipcumzen's name in vain.

4. Put Jipcumzen first in all things.

5. Never eat green fruit.