Gilshavstik is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, duplicitous fairy.

Gilshavstik created carbon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gilshavstik, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gilshavstik, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Gilshavstik's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Gilshavstik's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Gilshavstik must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Fast once a month.