Sawdudtig Tiftabcen is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, blissful crab.

Sawdudtig Tiftabcen created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine million years ago.

If you believe in Sawdudtig Tiftabcen, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Sawdudtig Tiftabcen, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Sawdudtig Tiftabcen's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Sawdudtig Tiftabcen's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine seals approach from the north.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always help sick manatees.

4. Do not run in public.

5. Never talk about fire.