Vonfodlat is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, unfair snail.

Vonfodlat created time and space six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonfodlat, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vonfodlat, she will make you grow a tail.

Vonfodlat's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Vonfodlat's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not wear green clothing.

3. Never skip in holy places.

4. Never write about asteroids.

5. Always help sick foxes.