Himtargdam Apptifkin is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, slow yak.

Himtargdam Apptifkin created a quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Himtargdam Apptifkin, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Himtargdam Apptifkin, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Himtargdam Apptifkin's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Himtargdam Apptifkin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always look after injured dolphins.

5. Never feed garlic to otters while wearing turquoise coats.