Dintarpjat Larndavget is a god.

He takes the form of a large, ill-tempered squirrel.

Dintarpjat Larndavget created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Dintarpjat Larndavget, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dintarpjat Larndavget, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Dintarpjat Larndavget's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Dintarpjat Larndavget's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never hurt snakes.

4. Retreat if seven monkeys approach from the north.

5. Never go into brown rooms.