Gartarpgom Zimhinlim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, vain donkey.

Gartarpgom Zimhinlim created Asia six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gartarpgom Zimhinlim, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gartarpgom Zimhinlim, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gartarpgom Zimhinlim's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Gartarpgom Zimhinlim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat strawberries.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not wear carbon on your body.

4. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never talk about cell theory.