Mitfasbad is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, amazing cow.

Mitfasbad created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Mitfasbad, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Mitfasbad, she will turn you into a puffin.

Mitfasbad's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Mitfasbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of nuts to capybaras while wearing red tights.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Do not drink water in gray rooms.