Hotgartig is a god.

She takes the form of a small, unjust hippopotamus.

Hotgartig created energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotgartig, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hotgartig, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Hotgartig's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Hotgartig's Holy Commandments

1. Foxes are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never hop near dogs.

3. Feed all hungry otters.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hotgartig.

5. Always wear blue.