Jamkimmisstragfidjonsabbep Xemnatmis is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, capable goat.

Jamkimmisstragfidjonsabbep Xemnatmis created the Sun two billion years ago.

If you believe in Jamkimmisstragfidjonsabbep Xemnatmis, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jamkimmisstragfidjonsabbep Xemnatmis, she will boil you in a big pot.

Jamkimmisstragfidjonsabbep Xemnatmis' most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Jamkimmisstragfidjonsabbep Xemnatmis' Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured tapirs.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. You must never eat oranges.

4. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Jamkimmisstragfidjonsabbep Xemnatmis in the centre of the settlement.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.