Catjarnmat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, charitable cow.

Catjarnmat created humanity five billion years ago.

If you believe in Catjarnmat, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Catjarnmat, he will come to you in dreams.

Catjarnmat's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Catjarnmat's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured dogs.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Catjarnmat.

4. Catjarnmat loves ducks, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics near turtles while wearing red stockings and balancing eight tin spheres on your chest.